Family may be forever, but friends are family eternal

Thanksgiving Day: a day to give thanks, a day to celebrate everything in the world that you are grateful for, a day to spend with family, a day of rest… Whatever. My Thanksgiving was anything but thankful, celebratory, or restful. My Thanksgiving was a day from Hell. Thank God for all my friends. Without them, I don’t know where I would be right now.

I was blessed (I guess that’s what you could say) with a family that is absolutely, totally, completely, and utterly nuts. My paternal family is wonderful… nuts, but still wonderful. My maternal family is just plain bonkers. No matter what happens, they drive me absolutely crazy—and not crazy happy. I’m saying that they drive me so crazy that I want to be as far away from them as I possible can.
So, another *happy* Thanksgiving, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing but a broken heart and a river of tears that just does not seem to stop flowing. I’ve had plenty of bad holidays. Hell—most every holiday comes too soon for me, and I never have enough time to prepare for the misery of the day. This year takes the cake for bad holidays.

Being bitched out is one thing, but to be bitched out by family is another thing in and of itself. A family is supposed to love you unconditionally. A family is supposed to be supportive of you in all your decisions. A family is supposed to care. A family is supposed to stand together. That is a family. I guess what I got were the rejects--the ones that broke the mold, the ones that were not quite right, the ones that fell into the shallow end of the gene pool (head first, no less).

I’m never good enough. I’m never smart enough. I can never live up to the expectations that they have set for me. No job is good enough. No lifestyle is godly enough. No clothing can disguise me enough to make me seem like I fit in with the wolves. They look nice on the outside, but inside they are nothing more than wolves feeding on the essence of me.

I always feel so old after the holidays. It’s almost as if the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s goes by so slow that I age a whole decade during the time frame. When I was a child I rejoiced all through the holidays. They were fun and exciting. I never had to worry about what I could do wrong, say wrong, or look wrong. Now, my friends call me and tell me to come over on the holidays just to give me an alibi—a reason to leave my family.

It’s sad really. When I think about it, I become so upset. I’m supposed to be the good child. I am always there—every holiday, every birthday, and even when I am not supposed to be there. I try to call, but my schedule makes it hard to keep in touch. I try to live with the fact that they will never see me as who I am through their nit-picking eyes. I’m a strong person, but it’s so hard to remain strong when it feels as if the whole world is closing in on you.

I was born into a family that cared about me. I was raised in a family that, on the outside, seemed to be almost perfect. I now know that it was all the numerous imperfections I dealt with that gave me the strength I have today, and made me the person I am. I’m a good person, but in their world I’m no more than a drunken, tattooed, stupid, recluse of a person.

Family is the one thing that you cannot get rid of. You can lose those extra pounds. You can lose that asshole of a boyfriend that you are dealing with. You can lose any material possession under the sun. You can’t lose family. Lucky for me, though, I have friends that keep me sane.
I am very fortunate to have some of the greatest friends in the world. Some I’ve known for a long time and some I’ve known only a short while, but I know no matter what I can always depend on them. They are my rock. They are my one true constant in life. They keep me sane in my crazy, mixed-up life.

My friends are numerous. I have quite a lot of friends. True friends though, I can only count on one hand. Those few true friends are always there for me regardless. They will always love me and care about me no matter what happens. If I fuck up, they will tell me. If I need anything, I can call them. I love them. My true friends are worth more to me than gold. They are my real family when my biological family lets me down.

I am not one who trusts easily. Life has taught me to be cautious of who I open up to. Because of this, I only have about three people who know every side of me. One I’ve known for years… since kindergarten. The others I’ve known only a short time, but I feel as close to them as I do the other. We’re the same. We’re all equal. We help each other out and live in a world where together we can do no wrong. I’m stronger with my friends than I am alone, and I know that nothing is impossible, no mountain is too high, and no problem is too big for me when I’m with my true friends.

So, during the holidays—the season of goodwill on earth and peace for all mankind—I am blessed to call my true friends my family. I am the richest person on earth because of those that I love and care about and who I know love and care about me too.